Case Study: Furniture Company
Step 1: Submit form online per company's instructions to report an issue - receive auto-response promising someone will be in touch in one business day
--No response after several days--
Step 2: Resubmit form, take screenshot of auto-response, and email to yourself to have time stamp
--No response for over 24 hours--
Step 3: Forward email with time stamp and screenshot attachment to director of customer service and one of the owners (I've dealt with this company previously) alerting them that it seems perhaps there is an issue with their website forms but that now you still have your previous issue AND a problem with their customer service.
Step 4: Receive call from customer service rep in under an hour!
...and thus begins the process to actually address the furniture issue, but hey, now you have an attentive rep to see what they can do for you.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
What I Wish I Knew at 22 - It's OK to Inconvenience Others
It started with this:
"Fellow CA trailblazers... I hope all is well! [...] Our goal is for the entire class to be added in order to begin communication regarding a 15-year reunion. [...] I challenge you all to leave any old squabbles in the past and join me in celebrating this occasion as it is bigger than us as individuals!"
A seemingly innocuous post for my upcoming high school reunion. Straightforward enough, but the last line hit me in the gut. It just so happens that the post was written by someone who several years after high school sexually assaulted me in another classmate's apartment. This led to the loss of several friendships... and so earlier this week, I sat blinking at my computer wondering, "By squabbles, does he mean what happened??" That would certainly be an understatement. OR has he totally forgotten and had other "squabbles" over the years with people from our class?
In many ways, the answer doesn't matter - although I was plenty angry that night and beyond tempted to post a comment revealing what had happened and asking whether that's what he had in mind. We all know it's not worth it.
However, I AM worth it. And so are the thousands of people who are assaulted by acquaintances every year. I decided to write this post for 22 year old me and especially for all the young people I'm Facebook friends with who might find themselves in similar situations.
The events were as typical as they come. A bunch of friends in our early 20s - several of us who had gone to high school together - hanging out at Matt's* apartment. Some of the guys decided to have a "power hour" and began chugging beer after beer and getting very drunk. I don't remember what time it was when they stopped drinking, but it had gotten late.
John* had had the most to drink and announced that he was going to drive home. We all knew this was a terrible idea and did our best to convince him to stay the night. I was sober and could have gone home, but since we couldn't get his car keys away from him, I agreed to stay to make sure he stayed. I felt very strongly about keeping a drunk driver off the roads. We were good friends, and I felt comfortable sleeping on a foldout couch with John. I wanted to make sure he stayed safe. What I sometimes still have a hard time forgiving myself for is the repeated choices I made that night to protect others but not myself. Although, of course, the events never should have happened.
Matt and his girlfriend soon went to sleep. I was falling asleep on the couch when I started feeling John's hand on my breast. I told him to stop. He said it wasn't him, it was his "crazy hands." I insisted he stop, but he wouldn't. I rolled over and put my arms squarely on either side of my chest. He began to fondle my butt. Again and again, I told him to stop. I said I would leave, and he said then he would drive home. This continued for hours. I didn't wake up Matt and his girlfriend, because I didn't want to disturb them. WHY?? I have replayed this scenario in my mind so many times.
Here's the thing - by my early 20s, I had taken oodles of women's studies classes and even a truly excellent self-defense class where I learned to hit with my full strength. Yet when confronted with a very drunk friend who I knew I could hurt if I kicked or hit him, I did nothing but roll over and threaten to but not actually leave. I literally rolled over and took it.
I truly believe I thought that he would come to his senses and stop at any moment. That he would realize how inappropriate and wrong his actions were. That I could somehow reason with him. What I didn't know until later was just how drunk he was. So much so that the next day he didn't remember anything - whereas I spent the day crying and feeling completely violated. Even so, it wasn't the physical assault that has stayed with me all these years - it's the fallout after.
I tried to talk to John, but he remembered nothing and refused to hear my side. Matt later said he had already talked to John and didn't "want to be in the middle." He also refused to hear my side. But I was the sober one! So I lost several close friends of no fault of my own who I had exerted so much energy protecting at the price of my own safety and well being. Some months later, I learned from another friend John actually had a suspended license the night of the party and prior DUIs and as well as other stories. There was no protecting John.
So here's my lesson - Inconvenience others!!! Wake up the other friends. Leave if you need to. We cannot protect others from themselves, but we should always, always do our best to protect ourselves. If it means hurting someone who is hurting you, there are instances where this is appropriate and necessary. I wish I could go back and share this lesson with 10 year old me and 15 year old me and 20 year old me. I'm built to nurture, and I love that part of myself. I just have to be careful how and when to use it. For now, I'll settle with passing on my experience to anyone who will listen.
*Names have been changed to protect me from getting sued. It seems like an injustice to generic names in the interest of anonymity though. I know some very lovely Johns and Matts. Sorry to you.
"Fellow CA trailblazers... I hope all is well! [...] Our goal is for the entire class to be added in order to begin communication regarding a 15-year reunion. [...] I challenge you all to leave any old squabbles in the past and join me in celebrating this occasion as it is bigger than us as individuals!"
A seemingly innocuous post for my upcoming high school reunion. Straightforward enough, but the last line hit me in the gut. It just so happens that the post was written by someone who several years after high school sexually assaulted me in another classmate's apartment. This led to the loss of several friendships... and so earlier this week, I sat blinking at my computer wondering, "By squabbles, does he mean what happened??" That would certainly be an understatement. OR has he totally forgotten and had other "squabbles" over the years with people from our class?
In many ways, the answer doesn't matter - although I was plenty angry that night and beyond tempted to post a comment revealing what had happened and asking whether that's what he had in mind. We all know it's not worth it.
However, I AM worth it. And so are the thousands of people who are assaulted by acquaintances every year. I decided to write this post for 22 year old me and especially for all the young people I'm Facebook friends with who might find themselves in similar situations.
The events were as typical as they come. A bunch of friends in our early 20s - several of us who had gone to high school together - hanging out at Matt's* apartment. Some of the guys decided to have a "power hour" and began chugging beer after beer and getting very drunk. I don't remember what time it was when they stopped drinking, but it had gotten late.
John* had had the most to drink and announced that he was going to drive home. We all knew this was a terrible idea and did our best to convince him to stay the night. I was sober and could have gone home, but since we couldn't get his car keys away from him, I agreed to stay to make sure he stayed. I felt very strongly about keeping a drunk driver off the roads. We were good friends, and I felt comfortable sleeping on a foldout couch with John. I wanted to make sure he stayed safe. What I sometimes still have a hard time forgiving myself for is the repeated choices I made that night to protect others but not myself. Although, of course, the events never should have happened.
Matt and his girlfriend soon went to sleep. I was falling asleep on the couch when I started feeling John's hand on my breast. I told him to stop. He said it wasn't him, it was his "crazy hands." I insisted he stop, but he wouldn't. I rolled over and put my arms squarely on either side of my chest. He began to fondle my butt. Again and again, I told him to stop. I said I would leave, and he said then he would drive home. This continued for hours. I didn't wake up Matt and his girlfriend, because I didn't want to disturb them. WHY?? I have replayed this scenario in my mind so many times.
Here's the thing - by my early 20s, I had taken oodles of women's studies classes and even a truly excellent self-defense class where I learned to hit with my full strength. Yet when confronted with a very drunk friend who I knew I could hurt if I kicked or hit him, I did nothing but roll over and threaten to but not actually leave. I literally rolled over and took it.
I truly believe I thought that he would come to his senses and stop at any moment. That he would realize how inappropriate and wrong his actions were. That I could somehow reason with him. What I didn't know until later was just how drunk he was. So much so that the next day he didn't remember anything - whereas I spent the day crying and feeling completely violated. Even so, it wasn't the physical assault that has stayed with me all these years - it's the fallout after.
I tried to talk to John, but he remembered nothing and refused to hear my side. Matt later said he had already talked to John and didn't "want to be in the middle." He also refused to hear my side. But I was the sober one! So I lost several close friends of no fault of my own who I had exerted so much energy protecting at the price of my own safety and well being. Some months later, I learned from another friend John actually had a suspended license the night of the party and prior DUIs and as well as other stories. There was no protecting John.
So here's my lesson - Inconvenience others!!! Wake up the other friends. Leave if you need to. We cannot protect others from themselves, but we should always, always do our best to protect ourselves. If it means hurting someone who is hurting you, there are instances where this is appropriate and necessary. I wish I could go back and share this lesson with 10 year old me and 15 year old me and 20 year old me. I'm built to nurture, and I love that part of myself. I just have to be careful how and when to use it. For now, I'll settle with passing on my experience to anyone who will listen.
*Names have been changed to protect me from getting sued. It seems like an injustice to generic names in the interest of anonymity though. I know some very lovely Johns and Matts. Sorry to you.
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